My friend,
You may not be aware of the import of your explanation as to why you prefer your own company most of the time.You paint a picture of a man who is not very likable, is disagreeable and crabby when in that “leave me alone” mood. When not in control of your speech, of your self, it’s much safer to withdraw from society than to reveal the “real you”.
Alcoholics Anonymous require a new member to confront and openly attest to his/her addiction. In return, the group provides a safe, accepting environment within which to reveal all. I see you in a similar light. You fear being judged harshly by those who don’t really know you, as you judge yourself.
I suspect the real you, a very complex individual, is much more interesting than the mask that hides almost everything worth knowing about you. Nobody is pleasant and in control all the time. When revealing things I’m not proud of about myself, I find acceptance among my friends. More over, I recognize similarities in their stories and find directions toward creating a self I can easier live with. This gradual coming-out is my journey. It requires that I trust others with my hurts, my demons, my weaknesses, even my faults.
I give my trust because I require their acceptance as an equal. I wear it like a warm blanket that comforts and protects. The world becomes a safer place where a smile is returned.
I hold out my hand in friendship and acceptance, without expectations or goals.Love
Hans
Who's lonelier? – His friend who doesn't reach out to others, not wanting to be what he's meant to be; or Hans who reaches out to others not wanting to be what he's meant to be?
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